Lost In Silence
by SMunoz24
Summary: Can Buffy and Faith work together now after all they went through or will the unspoken words and silence between them be too much and keep them apart?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One (Heartbreaking Silence)

My eyes flutter open slowly and the morning sun shining in through the window manages to hit me just right on the face to make me squeeze them shut immediately. My head is pounding and I sit up struggling to not fall right back over. I slowly open my eyes once more when I hear the sounds of clothes being shoved into a bag by my feet on the bed. I run my fingers through my hair while my eyes try to focus on the person who is in such a hurry.

"What are you doing? Come back to bed baby." She doesn't stop her flurry of movement as she continues to shove all her worldly possessions into her small duffle bag. I wrap the sheet around me and stand, making my way to her and gently wrap my arms around her waist.

"Faith?"

When Sunnydale was destroyed, we decided that would be a good place for our past to lie too. We left it all behind… the anger… the pain… the fighting… the hatred. It stayed buried in Sunnydale, fallen with the Hellmouth. It was an unspoken forgiveness between us… something we didn't discuss with words but with a single look in the silence while staring out over the crater that used to be my home. After all Faith and I have never really known how to communicate with words. With our fresh start and quick move to Cleveland after only a short couple of weeks recuperating in L.A., we became friends… something I never thought I would be able to have with her. The Scoobies accepted her immediately and things seemed like they were falling into place.

Now I would be an idiot if I said I didn't know how badly Faith wanted more with me. She is the master of sexual innuendos and flirting after all. Even all those years back in Sunnydale, I was sure she wanted me. What I never realized though, was how badly I wanted her too. Maybe it is her deep brown eyes… luscious lips… firm ass that pulled me into her bed at night just weeks after the move to our permanent residence in Cleveland. Maybe it was my way of fully letting go of the past we shared. I never expected to fall into her bed, but once I was there I saw just how much I enjoyed being with her, and quickly found myself falling a lot further. I was in love with her… often times questioning if I always had been from the start. Again, we never spoke words about our feelings… talking isn't high on Faith's list of things to do when we are alone, but I could tell by the way our relationship in the bedroom changed that she was feeling it too. The sex that used to be wild and animalistic became slow and passionate. The love between us was intoxicating even if it was a silent love. It was hard to keep our hands off each other. So it was only a matter of time before the secret was out.

When the Scoobies found out about our sexual relationship, I was sure they would go ballistic. I had never been with another woman, never even hinted that I ever would want to be and Faith hadn't always been someone we trusted and welcomed with open arms. The ambush never came though. They smiled and acted like they knew all along that this would happen between the two of us and like nothing had changed at all. Faith had a look of relief on her face when it was all finally out in the open and since that day, we have gone on with our lives together as though we are in a relationship… but still… an unspoken one.

So as I stand with my arms wrapped around her waist and she continues literally throwing things into her bag, I am beyond confused. I am wracking my brain trying to figure out what could have gotten her so upset. We had a good time last night… we all went out to a local club, danced, had some drinks… obviously too many for me since my head is pounding right now… and then went home. I think.

"Fai… baby… tell me what's wrong."

"Let go of me Buffy," she says and her words come out as harsh and nasty. Uh oh. She called me by my full name. She must be really pissed to do that.

"Faith! Stop!" I say as I turn her around by her shoulders and if looks could kill I would be dead for the third time right here and now.

"Are you going to deny it?" she shouts, pushing my hands away from her body.

"Deny what? What are you talking about?" Tears are rushing to my eyes because in this moment I don't see the Faith that I have known for the past five months. I see the girl we both left behind in that crater. The girl I never thought I would see again.

"I saw you with him B! I saw you kiss him! You can't deny it! I am such an idiot!" She is screaming now during her little rant and I am sure that the others will be in the hallway any second if they aren't already there, eavesdropping trying to get a read on what is going on behind our closed bedroom door.

It all registers in my head the second she says "him." I know she has been acting weird since Angel has been in town and I don't know why I didn't figure it out before. He came to check out what we have done with the training school we had set up for the new slayers. He had only stayed a few days, leaving last night late at night. My mind starts to remember the previous night as I stand there in shock. Faith and I came back to my room last night after the club. After what was hours of mind blowing sex and multiple orgasms for both of us, she finally drifted off to sleep in my arms.

For some reason I was still a little wired… maybe it was the alcohol in my system or that satisfied feeling I had in between my legs that made me want to just bask in the moment with her in my arms. It is usually me that falls asleep so it was nice to get to lay there watching her sleep for once. Whatever the case was that had me no where near slumber land, I heard a soft knock on my bedroom door and managed to throw a blanket around me before barely opening the door a crack to see who was stupid enough to bother me at that hour. There he stood in all his broody glory on the other side of my door, coming to tell me he was heading back to L.A.

The entire time he had been there, I had been avoiding telling him about Faith and I. I'd been avoiding him completely actually except when I knew I couldn't. I knew I needed to tell him, that he had probably already figured it out, but I am not stupid… I was sure he wasn't going to be thrilled, so I was avoiding it. Now that he was there, right in front of me, I knew he could smell her on me, and I there was no way I was going to get out of the conversation that should have happened days before. Before he managed to say anything about it, I told him I would see him out, changed into sweats quickly and met him down on the porch. He had barely opened his mouth before I practically threw up the words 'Faith and I are sleeping together' on him. And just like I thought, he wasn't thrilled with the idea. But he did eventually give us his blessing after what seemed like an hour of conversation. I was so relieved when he did that, that I practically jumped on him and wrapped him in a huge hug.

I remember my body relaxing as we hugged and feeling like now that Angel knew about Faith and I that everything would be alright. It isn't like I needed his permission or anything, but he is a big part of my life and someone that I do trust and respect. I know that Faith feels the same so I knew that if he freaked out it would bother her just as much. So like I said, I was all sorts of relieved when he finally told me he just wanted me to be happy and if I was happy with her he would learn to get used to it. When I let go from the hug, his lips found mine. For a brief second, and only a brief one, I kissed him back. I am not sure what exactly made that happen but it certainly wasn't a passionate kiss. It was literally just a peck that lasted a few seconds longer than what most would consider normal. He apologized immediately, and I did too. I knew that it was just something that happened due to past history.

A part of me knew that he was trying to get me see that he and I could work again, but he could tell by the way I reacted to the kiss that whatever used to be between us, was long gone. So while I know the kiss was inappropriate, I also was glad that it happened… it put a lot to rest between him and I. My relationship with Angel has always been so complicated and I felt like this was just another way to move forward and remain friends. I never would have guessed that Faith saw us from my bedroom window above.

"Who? Angel? You can't be serious Faith!" I yell right back and she puts on that smirk of hers.

"Why did you even bother with me huh B? Was I just convenient until Soul Boy came back?" she screams right in my face. Out of pure instinct, my right fist connects with her jaw and her head jolts to the side from the force. It feels like a lifetime ago since I have hit her like that, or wanted to for that matter. When she turns her head back to me I see the tears in her eyes and the ones that were being held back in mine trickle down my cheeks. I have never and I mean never ever… seen Faith cry and even though she is holding the tears in right now, the fact that they are there is killing me because I know I caused this.

"Fai… I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to… I just… what you said…" I try to utter out as I reach my hand forward towards her face.

"Save it B… I'm out of here!" she yells as she spins around and pushes the last of her stuff into her bag and works to zip the zipper. She holds the tears in but one breaks loose and slowly leaks down her cheek. She uses the back of her hand to wipe it away quickly and when she gets the bag closed she turns and flings it over her left shoulder. I can see a tiny bit of blood from where I hit her on her lip as her eyes bore into mine. "Move out of my way B." Her voice is eerily calm but her tone speaks volumes.

"We need to talk about this… it wasn't what it looked like," I say trying to defend myself… to save this… relationship or whatever it may be. She doesn't say anything she just moves around me and heads towards the door. I collapse on the floor at the foot of the bed, sheet still wrapped around me as she flings the bedroom door open, only to be face to face with Willow and Xander. I told you they would be there eavesdropping.

"Faith… please just wait," Willow tries to say, defending me even though I'm sure she is just as confused as I am about what is happening. But she does know how I feel about Faith. She knows I am in love with her. I think they all know… all of them but Faith herself.

"Move it Red… this has nothing to do with you," she says in that same cold voice that she used with me. Her and Willow have become surprisingly close so I am shocked that she would even talk to her like that. It just goes to show how upset she really is.

"It does have to do with us… you belong here… you are part of the family," Xander says cheerily, trying to use his happiness to filter into the rest of us in the room. It doesn't work though even though I desperately wish it could.

"I'm part of the family huh? Tell that to the princess." She turns to look at me and my tears are covering my face and making her figure blurred a little to me. I can't think… I can't see straight and all the things I have never said are just jumbled around in my head dying to be let out.

"Fai… please baby… I… I lo.."

"Don't fucking say it to me Buffy! You don't mean it! How could you anyway? I was stupid to think that you ever could… that anyone could!" she screams in my direction.

"Don't go!" I scream at her as she pushes past Xander and Willow and down the hall. I am sobbing uncontrollably now. Xander takes one look at Willow and they have a conversation between themselves silently. We can do that with one another. Don't ask me how, because even I don't know. I assume it has to do with all the time we have spent together all these years. I can't remember a time in my life that these two people weren't right there by my side. They are so much more than my friends… they are my family, we all are a family like Xander said.

Xander takes off running after Faith and Willow is at my side in a split second. She wraps her arms around me and pulls me to her shoulder as I let it all out. I should be up and chasing after Faith, but somewhere deep inside of me I know that it won't do any good. Willow holds on tight, using some of her magic I'm sure to try to calm me from my hysteria. It isn't but three minutes later that Xander reappears in the doorway with a frown on his face and look of defeat while he nurses his cheek where she obviously hit him. She's gone. She left me and I never even got the chance to tell her I love her.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two (Refreshing Silence)

Three Years Later

"So Buffster…plans for the weekend?" Xander asks as he shoves a handful of chips into his mouth, chomping away.

"Yeah Buffy, we were thinking of going out to a club this weekend… what do you say? It's been a long time since you've been out with us… or out at all really," Willow chimes in, making a move to get a handful of chips from the bag. Xander pulls it out of her reach just before she gets any though and she makes a funny little pout.

"Get your own patrol snacks!" Xander says, making me chuckle.

It is just the three of us on patrol tonight, something we don't get to do very often anymore. Everyone has moved on with their lives after Sunnydale here in Cleveland and has their own thing going on so our best friend bonding time is limited at best. We spend all day every day together, but usually we are all hard at work dealing with one problem or an apocalypse or something like that. It feels like we never get to just hang out anymore.

Xander got married to one of the slayers that came to train at the facility, Melissa, just about a year ago and they are expecting their first baby in a few months. They live in a nice little house on the property of the training facility that he built for them, as Xander still runs the security for the place. Willow and Kennedy are still together and still living at the house with the rest of us. I have grown to love Ken as the years ticked on and she has been a great help in getting the young girls trained. She is my second in command and I trust her beyond what I ever thought possible. Willow is still the head of the magic department and Giles' eyes and ears around the school. He mostly stays in his office doing work and researching… I guess not much has changed with him. He has aged quite a bit, but the stress of the training facility was a lot for him to handle. Plus… it is like we are all his children and raising us has definitely been a journey all in itself. If that doesn't age you I don't know what will.

It's been three years and we are just now starting to get the hang on what it is like on a daily basis. Dawn is living away from us now… going to college somewhere nearby but far enough away she feels like she can have her own life. She graduated early right after we moved to Cleveland and has been living in the dorms at the college for over a year now. She comes to visit from time to time and stays with us on breaks. Actually, we expect her tomorrow because it is the official start of Christmas break. She said she is bringing a surprise with her… and I'm hoping it isn't a new boyfriend. No matter what anyone says… I do not and will never like the boy that is sleeping with my baby sister. Even when she's 30. It is just disgusting.

"I miss this," I say as Xander and Willow continue their little banter back and forth. "Us I mean… hanging out on patrol. It is so Sunnydale."

"It does feel like it's been forever since it was just the three of us on patrol. Now a days with the patrol schedule and the fifty plus slayers to handle it. You're right Buffy, it's like old times," Willow says as she uses her magic to pull the bag of chips from Xander's hands and into her own. She takes a large handful and shoves some into her mouth with a girlish giggle.

"That's cheating!" he says as she hands it back to him and I can't help but laugh. We continue walking through the cold December night.

"So Dawnie comes home tomorrow huh?" Willow asks me as we shuffle our feet through the thin layer of snow that covers the ground.

"Yea.I guess so. It's been a while… I haven't even talked to her… I've tried, but you know…" I say as I glance around the graveyard. I am having a strange feeling in the back of my neck… a little tingle. My head darts back and forth as I squint to see into the distance. There is no movement though… nothing.

"You okay Buff? You look a little spooked," Xander asks and states as he rests a hand on my shoulder.

"Uh… it's nothing… I just… I just thought," I stammer as the wind picks up. "Never mind," I say pushing the feeling aside and shrugging his hand off of my shoulder. I know what I thought, but I didn't want to say it to them. "What were we talking about?"

"Dawn coming home for the holidays. About how she doesn't talk to you. Maybe this will be a chance for the two of you to mend the fences… things haven't been the same since…" Willow breaks off as she says the last of the sentence and her words fade into the night.

"It's okay Will… I'm okay talking about her. "The truth is I am not okay talking about her which is why I didn't tell them what I was thinking just a few seconds ago when I had that strange tingle in the back of my neck. It is one I only used to get when Faith was near. I could feel it so strongly when we were together and I haven't felt it since.

Willow is right… it's been three years since Faith walked out on me. Left me without giving me a chance to explain or tell her how much I love her. I spent six months in a deep depression. Willow even found her once and went and tried to talk some sense into her. Nothing worked. She had convinced herself that I didn't love her and that I was just using her. Willow barely got a sentence out before Faith was gone again and we haven't heard from her since.

I should say that I haven't heard from her since. She keeps in touch with Giles, letting him know her location and what is going on with her slaying and vampire situation. It was a rough time for us, Giles and me… because he refused to tell me where she was. It took a long time for me to come to terms with what happened, and even now I don't think I really have. I still love her. With every fiber of my being I love her. I miss her and wait for her every moment of every day and hope that some miracle will bring her back to me… let me see her and tell her once and for all just how much she means to me.

I spent a large part of the time being angry with her too… blaming her for the way things ended between us. I was so conflicted for so long… being so in love with someone who hurt me more than anyone else I have ever known. But after time I let the anger go. It was hard to move on without her and not just for me either. She really had become a part of the family and everyone missed her presence. It put a huge strain on my relationship with Dawn. They had grown close since the battle, almost like sisters. Dawn blamed me for Faith leaving and I don't know that she ever has fully forgiven me for that day, hence the reason that it has been a little over a year since we have actually spoken words to each other.

"Buffy? Did you go off into Faith land again?" Xander asks softly as the sound of his voice brings me out of my thoughts and back to reality.

"I'm sorry," I whisper as I fight back the tears. He wraps his arms around me soothingly and lets out a sigh.

"It's okay Buff… I know you miss her. "I relax into his arms and smile when I feel Willow wrap her arms around me from the other side.

"Felt like a group hug time," she says with a giggle. We are lost in our little moment together and it makes me feel safe and calm. It's moments like this that I feel like I can conquer the world. The moments when I am in the middle of a we-love-Buffy-sandwich and nothing can hurt me.

"Oh, isn't that cute!" I hear a deep voice say from behind Willow. We quickly release from our embrace and stand side by side. Years ago I would have pushed Willow and Xander behind me, and taken the lead. There is a group of four vampires all hungry and thinking we are going to be their next meal. But like I said… things have changed since Sunnydale. Xander is no longer just the boy that gets the donuts… though he still does that better than anyone I know. He has become a valued member of a patrol squad, knowing more about most of the weapons we have than I do. He can hold his own in a fight and I know that now without a doubt. Willow has grown to be more powerful than I could have ever imagined. It would be a lie to say I was stronger than her, because she could take me in a heartbeat. She has learned to control her use of magic though and she rarely uses that much of her power unless she absolutely has to in order to save a life.

I glance over to look at her and she has a small smile on her face. I glance over to my right and see that Xander's eye is dark and ready for a fight. We haven't gotten to do this in a while, fight… just the three of us. I slide the stake out of my jacket sleeve and I see that Xander has his in his hand as well, his patrol snack resting at his feet.

"Slayer…" what seems to be the lead vampire hisses out at us.

"Where?" I ask trying to sound like I am looking around for a movie star. Xander and Willow chuckle with my joke. The vampires just snarl at us and within seconds we are all fighting. Willow is having fun tossing a vampire around with just a wave of her hand and Xander manages to knock his down with just two punches to the face and one solid kick taking his feet out from under him. The leader lunges for me first and I throw him over my shoulder, immediately staking the un-expecting vampire behind him. Just as I make my way to the leader, I see a cloud of dust as Xander stakes his vamp and tosses Willow his stake with just a flick of his wrist. She plunges it into the chest of the vamp she is torturing and tosses it nonchalantly back his way. I throw one solid right hook and a roundhouse kick to the leader before easily shoving my stake through his chest. What is left of him blows away into the night wind. Once again, after a mere five minutes, it is just the three of us standing there.

"That was fun," Xander says, picking up his bag of chips from the ground where he set them so he could fight.

"Like I said, old times," Willow says as we start walking again toward the house.

"Let's call it a night… I'm freezing," I say shivering a little bit and linking arms with Will only to have Xander link his arm with her other one.

When we finally get home, Xander hugs us both at the door and heads off to his little house in the back of the property, surely wanting to check on his very pregnant wife. As soon as he is out of sight, Will's arms are wrapped around me in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry I brought her up tonight Buffy, you've been doing so well," Will says. I sigh slightly and she releases me from the hug.

"I have been keeping a lot of it in Will. I miss her… I really do," I say quietly.

"I know you do… we all miss her."

"I don't know why I can't snap out of this Will, it's been three years!"

"You love her Buffy, you can't just snap out of love with her."

"You think?" I ask seriously.

"I know," she says with a little chuckle. "But…"

"Oh here it comes… the but face…"

"Hey!"

"You know what I meant," I say with a big smile and a small laugh.

"Okay now, don't be mad at me for saying this but…"

"It's okay Will, just say it."

"It has been three years and maybe it is time to… I don't know… try dating again… I understand that you love her and that you don't want to be with anyone else, but you can't spend the rest of your life waiting for something that might or might not happen… maybe you weren't meant to be and you are meant to be with someone else but you will never find that someone else because you are too busy waiting for the one person who isn't the right person to come back to you and instead of realizing that you are going to waste even more time and years of your life just waiting around for her, you will miss out on the right person whoever that may be," she says in one long breath. If there was ever a class on babbling, she would be the teacher for sure.

"I'm not ready to let her go yet Will… not yet."

"I didn't think so but it doesn't hurt to try," she says putting her hand on my shoulder.

"And for the record… she is the only one for me," I say with a grin. She smiles back at me and we both take a moment and find ourselves sitting on the steps of the house staring into the dark night sky, silence filling the air. She is one of the only people that I can do this with… sit in complete silence and feel comfortable.

Xander, Kennedy and Giles are the others that make the silence bearable. That is how I know that our friendship and bond is unbreakable. My mind wanders back to Faith… the silence that was always there between us. That silence used to drive me insane as I would wonder just what was going on in her mind. I think about her and all those unspoken words between us. If only we would have said them… instead of sitting in silence… maybe things would have been different.

"Did you see that Buffy! Right there… a shooting star!" Willow says as she points it out to me. I look up just in time to see it falling and another one to fall just behind it.

"Wow! That was beautiful," I say a little in awe. Believe it or not I have never seen a shooting star before in my life.

"Make a wish Buffy," Willow says as she looks over at me and smiles. "That's what you are supposed to do when you see a shooting star… it's supposed to be good luck," she says nudging me with her shoulder.

"But you saw it first… so shouldn't you be the one making the wish?"

"I'm passing my wish on to you… you need it more than I do right now." I close my eyes and wish with all my heart for the one thing I want more than anything in this world. For the love of my life to come back to me... for Faith to come home.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three (Breathtaking Silence)

"Mmmm… something smells amazing," I say as I make my way into the kitchen in the early hours the next morning. I tie the string to keep my robe shut and shuffle my slipper covered feet over the tile.

"I'm making blueberry pancakes, banana waffles, bacon, eggs and I have fresh squeezed orange juice," Andrew says as he flips a pancake over on the griddle.

He has become a devoted member of our team and by devoted I mean we would all starve without him around. I never thought I would say this… but I actually like the guy. He is pretty funny and he has good ideas… some of the time… sometimes they are absolutely ridiculous. Like uniforms… slayers don't need uniforms. He did design the security system for the house though which has proven to be most valuable over the years. He helps run it with Xander and even more so independently now that Melissa is so far along in her pregnancy. The best thing about keeping him around though is and always will be his cooking… he can cook like no ones business. He is always cooking something and with a houseful of slayers, the more food the better. Like I said, without him we would all be starved.

"Thanks," I say as I grab a glass out of the cabinet and pour myself some of the orange juice. Just as I take a seat at the table I hear the shuffling of more feet entering the kitchen and I look up with a smile. "Morning Melissa," I say with a big grin.

I knew the second I met Melissa that I was going to love her… which is exactly why I pushed Xander to ask her out. Man did he fight me on it too. He came up with all these excuses. She's too young, she's too smart, she's too strong. But in the end he found out what I knew all along… she is too perfect for him. She has this great sense of humor and she can understand all his funny quirks and jokes. He was still trying to get over Anya when she arrived and they started out as just friends. I know she helped him talk through his feelings about that very sensitive subject. It was hard for us, Will and I, to talk with him about because we all had been affected by her death, so Melissa was the perfect person to help him through the tough times as she wasn't there for the battle and had never met Anya. Over time it grew into a relationship and shortly after that started, they were talking about marriage. Now he will be the first of the family to add a new generation to the gang. I can't wait to be an Auntie either. I was so excited the day he came in to tell us the news. It just makes me smile thinking of how far we've come together. We started out as naïve teenagers and have matured and grown through all the pain, battles and heartache, to adults. Now that I think about it… Xander having a baby makes me feel extremely old.

"Hey Buffy… how was patrol last night?" she asks and I can tell she is struggling with the desire to go out and fight. I can't imagine having the energy of a slayer and not being able to slay. She hasn't been out on patrol for three months now. The in house doctor, Dr. Carly, told her that we couldn't risk her getting hurt… it would put the baby in danger and Melissa too. I know it was hard for her to accept, but she took it like a champ and continues to be strong with the whole thing.

"Nothing too interesting… just a group of newbies… we took care of them," I say as she takes a seat next to me with her glass of water.

"Yea we did," Willow says as she and Ken walk in with their arms wrapped around one another. They give each other a little peck before Willow makes her way to Andrew and they start a quiet conversation about the menu for the rest of the week.

"What up princess?" Ken says as she slides into a chair across from me. When she first called me that… a nickname that Faith gave to me… it drove me insane. I literally ran away from her in tears. She didn't even realize she was doing it until Willow told her why it upset me so much. Now I have gotten used to it from her. She doesn't do it often… usually she just calls me by my name or shortens it like everyone else, but the fact that she will still do it shows just how close we really are now. As she sits across from me I realize that maybe that is why I grew so close to her after Faith left. She reminds me a lot of her. They are similar in many ways. Not that I find myself fantasizing about Kennedy… that is just gross. I mean more in the ways of personality and slaying style they are similar.

"Where's Xander this morning? He hurting from the fight last night or was it the chips he was scarfing down during patrol?" I ask his wife and Ken laughs with me when I mention the chips.

"Dude has been pigging out all the time lately… what is that called… sympathy eating or something like that?" Ken asks.

"That's what the doctor said… he is gaining a little bit of weight, but don't tell him I said that," Melissa says with a devious grin on her face. "He is fixing the windows in the magic room today… there was a draft coming in and Willow said it was too cold and the spells weren't working right because of it."

"What would we do without him, our master one-eyed carpenter?" Willow asks as she makes her way over to the table carrying a huge spread of food… some of everything Andrew cooked for us. Andrew is close behind with plates.

"Dig in everyone," he announces happily and we do. There is little discussion as we all cover our plates and stack our food high and Andrew slides into a chair next to Melissa and Willow next to Ken at the round table. There is nothing but the sounds of all of us chewing as Giles walks into the kitchen, his nose stuck in a book as always. Sometimes I wonder if he was born with a book shoved in his face.

"Morning," we all mumble as we continue to stuff our faces.

"Good morning… how are you all?" There is no response, just nods of our heads as the food is obviously the most important thing in the room. There are three slayers, one of which is pregnant and eating for two at the table after all. Food is always high on our list of important things. Giles smiles a little and heads to the stove to fix himself some tea just like he does every single morning, never fail.

"I already made the tea Mr. Giles," Andrew says from his seat and points to the pot.

"Ah… thank you Andrew," he responds as he pours himself a cup and takes a seat at the kitchen counter, staying as far away from us at the table as he possibly can while we continue to stuff our faces with food, probably afraid his precious book will get dirty with the way we are eating. "So Buffy… Willow… anything you wish to report about patrol? Any trouble?" he asks after a couple of minutes of reading before putting his book down and sipping his tea.

"Nope, just newbies, the average kind… nothing to be concerned about," I say after swallowing a mouthful of pancakes. Years ago I would have never made a decision about what is considered concerning or not when it came to the evils that I fought in the night. But I have done my homework, throwing myself into my calling after Faith left. I feel at the top of my game when it comes to fighting the forces of darkness at least. It is just my pesky love life that makes me want to crumble into a tiny ball under the table and cry all day long.

"Good to hear then… when will Dawn be returning? Isn't she due in this afternoon?"

"I think so… maybe early evening. I'm not quite sure." I glance over at Melissa who I know has been talking with Dawn a hell of a lot more than I have. Dawn and Xander have always been close so it doesn't surprise me that she would be close to his wife too.

"Her bus gets in at 3:30 and she said she would take a cab to the house," Melissa says wiping her mouth with a napkin.

"I thought you were going to pick her up," Ken says as she stands and takes all our plates to the sink and begins to rinse them off.

"Xander was going to but she said she would rather take a cab. Something about spoiling the surprise," Melissa says.

"I wonder what she is up to," Willow says also standing and helping to pull Melissa up out of her chair. "She told me she had a surprise too but wouldn't say what it was… usually I can get stuff like that out of her." I shrug my shoulders when she looks over at me.

"Don't look at me… I haven't talked to her. She barely speaks to me when she is here what makes you think we talk when she isn't?"

So I sound a little bitter. I know that I have been the world's crappiest sister. It wasn't easy for me you know. I tried to be better after the battle, but with all the new slayers and things with me and Faith… it just didn't work out that way. I found myself even more distanced from her and the rest of the group taking over in raising her. I often wonder what my mother would think about how I have treated her. I know I have been alienated from her… kept her an arms length away and never really let her in. I have no explanation for why and I am thinking it's time for a change. I should really try to spend some time with her when she is here… talk to her about what is going on in her life, get to know her again. Maybe I can salvage some sort of relationship with her.

"You guys should spend a day together… you know… go out and get your nails and hair done, maybe get a massage," Melissa suggests practically reading my mind, as we all start to walk out the kitchen. I glance back at Giles who has a bitter look on his face.

"Tell that to Mr. Grumpy Pants," I say pointing at him.

"Buffy… it is not that I do not wish for you and your sister to fix things… it is just that you have responsibilities here and we are low staffed as it is…" Giles struggles to explain not just to me but the others too. Several of our higher up slayers who act as mentors for the younger girls have gone home for the holidays. Which means Ken and I are covering almost all the classes in the entire facility right now.

"I'll cover her classes Giles," Ken offers and I smile at her.

"I can pick some up too and I'm sure Melissa can sit in with me," Willow says with Melissa nodding her head in agreement. Giles looks back and forth between them and back to me.

"I suppose that will be alright… but just for one day Buffy… then you must return to your duties," he says. I can't help but jump up and down a little and wrap him in a huge hug.

"Thanks Giles… you're the best," I say as I smile at the rest of the group and head up the stairs to my bedroom, leaving them to talk amongst themselves in the common area.

The day comes and goes in a flurry of activity as it always does. I take care of my four classes that I have and then rush to shower and get down for dinner before Dawn arrives. She called Melissa just after 4 and said her bus had been delayed and she would be here for dinner. Once again, Xander offered to come pick her up but she refused. I have a feeling she has a new boyfriend and I have convinced myself that I am going to be as sweet as pie to this guy. I want her to see that I do want to be a part of her life and I am going to work hard at mending it between us. She is my little sister after all and nothing should be able to come between us. So I pick out a nice outfit… not too revealing but not too mom like and fix my hair. I don't want to embarrass her or myself for that matter.

As I make my decent down the stairs I hear that Dawn has just come in the front door and the gang is greeting her in the entry way. I am a little excited to see her. I start to skip down the stairs and when I finally get down there she smiles at me, the first real smile she has shown me in years. Man she looks so much older than I remember her to be. But she is beautiful. She really has grown so much and I missed out on most of it. It makes me sad for a second when I realize how stupid I've been. I don't want to miss out on any more of her life and starting this second I am not going to waste another moment with her.

"Hey Buffy," she says. I smile back at her and walk over to her, pulling her into a tight hug. At first she resists a little bit, but when she realizes I am not going to let her go, she gives into the hug and buries her face a little into my shoulder. I do the same with her, hugging tighter and picking her up and spinning her around a little bit.

"It's so good to see you Dawnie," I whisper to her. I can feel tension in her body and it is making me a little uneasy. We stay hugging like that for a good couple of minutes until I hear her grunting a little in pain. Sometimes I forget my slayer strength. It is completely quiet in the entry way as the others just watch with glee in their eyes. They have been wanting us to fix this thing between us for three years now. I finally let her pull away from the hug and keep my hands firmly on her shoulders just so I can get a better look at her.

"You look… good Buffy…" she says and I can tell she is hesitating with her words. She must be nervous about me meeting her new boyfriend.

"So… where is the new boyfriend?" I ask, trying to act like I am excited to meet whatever douche bag she has brought along with her. What? I can call him whatever bad names I want as long as I don't say them out loud.

"Where is who?" she asks genuinely confused. Her eyebrows furrow a little bit when she asks the question.

"The boyfriend… that is the big surprise isn't it? You have a new boyfriend and you brought him along to meet your big sister and your family right? Did you tell him how crazy we all are?" Her face grows tight and I feel the dynamic in the room change.

Suddenly the group that was so excited and talkative becomes silent as a wave of uneasiness washes over me. I am standing with my back to the door and I look directly at my sister who is obviously incredibly worried all of a sudden. I notice that Willow's face is matching her hair right now and Xander is fiddling with his eye patch like he hasn't been wearing it for almost four years and it is some foreign object we just stuck to his face. Ken's expression looks like she is going to punch something and Melissa looks more confused than I have ever seen her look. She suddenly gets a look of complete shock and surprise on her face when Giles clears his throat.

That's when I feel it. It is that tingle in the back of my neck… the one I haven't felt for three years… until last night. I spin around on my toes and it feels like all the air in the room disappears in that one instant when my eyes lock on hers.

"Hey B…"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four (Overwhelming Silence)

I close my eyes for a brief second and open them again to make sure I am not seeing things. Sure enough she is standing right there in the doorway, but I'm still not convinced. My heart starts to beat at a pace so fast that I think it might actually fly right out of my chest.

"Oh my goodness! Faith!" Willow is the first to recover from the initial shock and runs over to her and wraps her up in a hug confirming that I am not actually seeing things. After what seems like the longest hug in history Willow pulls back from the embrace, hands still on Faith's shoulders. "You aren't Dawn's new boyfriend are you?" she asks with a little hesitation in her voice. Faith lets out a deep throaty chuckle and Dawn's face turns a little pale.

"Oh yea! Dawn here didn't tell you her and I have been bumping uglies for over a year now?" she replies.

"Ewe! Gross Faith! You are like my sister!" Dawn says loudly.

"Got a point there Squirt," Faith says. "Nah Red… Dawnie doesn't swing that way and I'm not much for the cradle robbing."

"I'm an adult now Faith!" Dawn says in pure annoyance. Willow's expression can only be described as relieved as she takes a step back. If I wasn't in a state of shock right now I am sure I would look relieved right now too because the last thing I need is to find out that my little sister is dating my ex, the love of my life. So at least that got cleared up quickly before my mind started into overdrive with really disgusting thoughts.

"Trust me, once you meet the guy she is dating you'll wish it were me she were with instead," Faith says with another little laugh which causes Dawn to slap her shoulder lightly. Xander is next to embrace Faith and she whispers softly in his ear as she does. With my slayer hearing I can hear everything she says without even trying.

"I'm sorry about punching you the last time I saw you," she whispers. He backs away with a smile on his face.

"Don't worry about it… it's old news… besides… it didn't even hurt… much," he says with a chuckle and she laughs right along with him.

"What's up Ken?" I can't take my eyes off of Faith but I can feel that Ken is pissed. It is coming off of her in waves. She doesn't make a response back. They used to be friends so I can't figure out exactly why she is sending off a death vibe right now and Faith can obviously feel it because she doesn't say anything more to Ken. I don't get much more time to contemplate Ken's anger before Faith continues to the next person.

"G… what's happening?" Faith asks him as he approaches her. He hesitates before she pulls him in for a hug. Giles looks beyond uncomfortable. Hugging has never been his thing… or any form of personal contact for that matter.

"Welcome home Faith," he says when their moment is finished. The hug is much more brief than the others but this is Giles after all so I guess I should be shocked he let her hug him at all. As soon as she releases him, his glasses are off his face and he is polishing away at the lenses.

"Oh, I ain't home for good G… just stopping by for a visit. Figured it was time after all these years." She looks at Melissa next.

"And this must be Melissa… the girl who tamed Xan Man… the baby mama… I'm Faith," she says extending her hand for Melissa to shake. I see Melissa glance at me, then to Xander, then to Dawn, and then to Faith's hand, which she smiles and accepts.

"It is nice to finally meet you… I have heard so much about you and to be honest, I thought you were just a figment of all their imaginations they way they carry on and on about you." Great Melissa, make her ego a bit bigger. Do they all still talk about Faith that much? They don't to me. Maybe they think it will be uncomfortable for me. I still haven't moved and I don't think I have taken a breath since she walked in and knocked the wind out of me.

"Buffy… you alright?" Dawn whispers in my ear thrusting me back to reality. I should be pissed at her right now but no matter how much I know that, I can't really feel much of anything. The only feeling I have is like I have made a crash landing back to planet Earth and I'm going to be sick. But I don't move… I can't move. My body literally will not let me move an inch and I am still holding my breath ignoring my sister's question completely. I see Willow look over at me quickly before Andrew comes in the room.

"Dinner is serve… oh… I see the dark one has returned," he says the last part little under his breath, obviously just as surprised to see her as the rest of the gang.

"You are still here?" Faith asks dryly.

"Why yes oh dark one… did you honestly think I would be anywhere else?"

"Was kinda hoping so…"

"We should… uh… we should go see about dinner," Willow says cutting off Faith's sentence as she grabs Ken's hand and practically pulls her out of the room with a scowl still etched on her brow.

"What she said…" Xander says taking his wife's hand and following Willow with Giles right behind them and pushing Andrew back out of the door he just came through. I hear him muttering something about having to lock all the cabinet doors in the kitchen and labeling his food again before his voice trails off into the distance.

It is just me, my little sister and the love of my life that I haven't seen for three years standing in the entry way now. I don't know which of them I am more uncomfortable being left alone with. The woman I love who left me crying early one morning three years earlier or the little sister that practically hates me and brought that woman back here after three years without so much as a warning.

"Dawn… why don't you give us a minute," Faith asks nicely making the choice for me as I still struggle to come up with something to say instead of standing there looking like a complete fool. This is the first time she has laid eyes on me in what seems like forever and I can't even breathe properly. Dawn shrugs her shoulders and grabs her bag.

"Sure," she says quietly and she leaves through the same door the others did just moments ago shouting out loudly about what is for dinner.

My mind is completely blank as I stare at her. I should have a thousand things to say to her… I know I have said them a million times over and over in my head. I have dreamed about this moment since the day she left and now that it's here, I can't manage to remember anything I wanted to say. She never takes her eyes off of me as she slowly steps towards me. The closer she gets the more I can feel her fear… her uneasiness… her pain. I don't know why I am surprised. A part of me had hoped that in the three years we had been apart, she had spent them missing me and wishing she had never left.

Without being overly obvious, I look her body up and down. She is still so stunning… but she looks different somehow. You can't tell by her features, but I can tell by the way she is carrying herself that she has probably been through a hell of a lot in the past few years. Years we should have spent together that instead we spent apart.

"How ya been B?" Faith asks as she gets within arms reach of me. I still can't remember how to speak. It is like I have never known the English language before… or any language for that matter. "B?"

"I uh… okay… I guess… how about you?" I manage to sputter out the words but my voice doesn't sound like my own.

"Not too bad… sorry to drop in on you like this. I told Squirt we should have called before I came but she insisted it be a surprise."

"It's fine… it's good to see you," I say finally finding that voice of mine that I knew was still there. I subconsciously lick my lips as I stare at hers and take a step even closer to her.

"Good to see you too B," she says with a tiny smile forming after the words.

I have always considered myself to be a sane person… most of the time at least. I usually am good with words and able to talk about how I feel to those that matter most. But in this instance I am completely overwhelmed with emotion and seeing her smile has my whole body hot with desire. I feel like her lips are drawing me into her and I can't help it as I lean forward and press mine to hers using slayer speed and without giving her a chance to move away. My mind… my fears… everything I have felt for the past three years melts away as our lips mold together. The kiss is anything but passionate and she isn't responding even in the slightest. After only a minute with my lips on hers she pushes me back from her and I wipe my lips, suddenly very self conscious and nervous in my surroundings.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have…"

"You really shouldn't have," Faith says before I can even finish my sentence. "But it's okay. Look B… I didn't come back for… us. I came because Dawn asked me to be with her for the holidays. She's been bugging me for years about spending Christmas with her. As soon as New Years is over… I'm gone." She has a very serious tone and look to go with it. She doesn't give me a chance to say anything back before she is grabbing her bag from the ground and heading toward the door the others left out of just minutes before.

I have so many questions that rush my mind all at once. Finally, all those things I knew I wanted to say are springing to my brain. Where will she go back to? She is obviously living somewhere. How long has she been in touch with my little sister? It is clear that she has been in touch with her for a good long while and no one bothered to tell me about it. Is she dating someone else? I think my heart would literally shatter into a million tiny pieces if she was. Did she miss me even a little bit? Once her back is turned and just before she is through the door I finally get the courage to say something… again.

"Faith wait!" She doesn't turn around but she does stop mid stride. "Can we start over? I didn't mean for that to happen and I don't want things to be weird. But I do want to… I mean I think we should… I think we need to talk." Her back is still facing me when she responds.

"Is there still something to talk about? It's been a long time B."

"There is for me," I say quietly, hoping… praying even that I can get her to listen to me. She turns around again so she can see me and our eyes lock once more.

"Things change Buffy… people change… I know I have… haven't you?" My feet have a mind of their own as I find myself walking towards her. I get right up to her and stand on my tip toes so I can whisper right in her ear. I know I am bordering on getting my ass kicked by her, but I can't help myself and a very disturbed part of me is turned on by the thought of engaging in a fight with her. She has always made me feel so alive and now is no different.

"No matter how much time has passed and how much we've changed… this thing between you and me… it never will." I feel her shutter even though she tries to hide it, as my hot breath hits her skin. When I back away I see her steady herself and regain her composure, clearing her throat before she says anything back and putting a smirk on her face just for good measure.

"I'll be seein' ya B," she says and she turns on her heels and is through the door faster than I can blink.

Dinner is torture. I imagine if I lived in the old days this is what it would feel like to be burned at the stake. Actually, I have almost been burned at the stake and this is a million times worse. Everyone is chatting up a storm… talking to Faith and Dawn about what they have been up to. I have managed to figure out by the bits and pieces of the conversation I have overheard that they have been in touch for a good amount of time. Faith has obviously visited Dawn in college because she has mentioned meeting her boyfriend and her severe dislike of the guy.

I am glad that everyone is excited to see her, but while it is nice to have everyone here together like this… it is frustrating as hell to have Faith in the room and not be able to touch her. I wonder how I ever managed to do it all those years in Sunnydale, but then I remember the great state of denial I was in when it came to Faith back then. Everyone is lost in conversation but I am lost in her. She is beyond stunning. Her hair is pulled up in a loose pony tail and she is wearing this leaves-non-to-the-imagination shirt that is so low cut her breasts are barley staying inside. I am struggling to keep my eyes away from her at least in an obvious manner but it is proving to be much harder than I ever imagined it would be.

A part of me was sure that when she came back… yes when, not if… that she would just fall into my arms and things would go back to the way they were before she left. Of course I knew I would have to explain myself but still.

Guess it was wishful thinking on my part because other than a few small glances my way, she hasn't even spoken to me the entire dinner. And I can't blame her I guess… not after how I acted when she first arrived. I can't help but worry that I will never get a chance to tell her all the things I need to say. A nudge in my side brings me back into the dining room with the rest of the group and I glance over to my right where Ken has used her elbow to get my attention.

"You say the word and I'll make her beg to leave," Ken says in a whisper. Only someone with slayer hearing could have heard her and my eyes glance up to check and see if Faith or Melissa were among them. They are both deep in a conversation with Xander so I feel confident that they didn't hear.

"I don't even know what I want right now. I know there are a lot of things that need to be said."

"Good luck… Faith's not one for talking much," Ken says as she leans back in her seat and takes another bite of her lasagna that Andrew made for dinner. She sounds bitter and angry. I can't help but feel good about how much Kennedy cares about my well being.

We have grown so close over the years that we confide in each other a lot. I talk to Will and Xander too, but for some reason I have found talking to Kennedy about Faith just as easy as talking to my two long time best friends. Maybe because I knew Faith and Ken were friends, and in ways they are so much alike like I said before. I am actually very surprised at how Ken is acting toward her. I can't help but feel like maybe I brainwashed her into thinking that Faith was a bad person.

Kennedy has taken the brunt of my anger and pain with what happened over the past years and other than myself and Dawn, she is the one person who was most effected by Faith leaving. At the time she was not high on our list of people we loved to be around, other than Willow of course, and Faith was her only friend in the house. They would spend tons of time together, sometimes playing video games, sometimes just cracking jokes and laughing hysterically at one another. It couldn't have been easy for her to lose her friend like that. Just another reason Kennedy and I bonded so quickly after Faith left I suppose.

I glance over at Faith again and see she is laughing happily while conversing with the group. Seeing her laugh like that makes me smile a little… reminds me of the times we used to have before everything got so messed up between us. Tears form in my eyes at the thought before I can even stop them. I can't push the feeling away and suddenly feel extremely warm and uncomfortable sitting at the table.

Without saying a word I stand from the table, placing my napkin on my plate that has barely been touched, and make my move toward the door. Kennedy shoots me a knowing look… telling me she understands… and I practically run out of the dining room and up the stairs to my room.

As soon as my bedroom door is closed the tears are flowing out of me uncontrollably… my mind is overwhelmed with memories and emotions. I fall to the floor just inside the door and barely even notice when Willow enters the room until I feel her arms wrapped around me in a tight hug. I am thrashing in her arms, trying to get away because this is just too much to handle right now, but the world starts to spin and the last thing I hear before everything turns black is Willow… screaming out to Giles for help.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five (Comfortable Silence)

When I open my eyes I instantly regret it. My head is pounding like I have the biggest hangover of my life. My hand shoots up to hold my head and as it does, I hear a small chuckle. I am able to open my eyes enough to see that I am in the sick bay and that the only person in the room with me is Xander.

"How long was I out?" I ask only slightly embarrassed that Willow used magic on me to calm me down, which in turn made me pass out. I must have been pretty out of control if she went to the extreme of using magic on me. My throat feels raw, like I haven't used it for weeks and I can't help but wonder if it's a side effect from the spell.

"Only an hour or so Buff... Will only used a little bit of her mojo on you. How are you feeling?" He moves to grab the glass of water next to my bed and hands it to me, obviously noticing the raspy and rough sound of my voice. I gratefully accept the glass and take a few small sips.

"I've been better truthfully," I say as I try to sit up in bed, only to get a glare from Xander as he stands and uses his hands to try to push me back down.

"You shouldn't get up just yet Buffy... you should just rest." His voice is kind and concerned.

"Xander, I'm fine... slayer healing remember," I say as I use my strength to sit up against his wishes. He and I both know that slayer healing can't fix the emotional breakdown I just had or the effects from Willow's spell. But he also knows that arguing with me isn't going to do any good.

He sits back down in the chair next to the bed and crosses his arms over his chest. Always being my protector, even after all these years and with his own wife and baby on the way, I know that he would do anything for me and our little family. I can tell by the way he is sitting that he has something on his mind.

"Buff..." Looks like I'm about to find out what it is. "You know what? If you insist on getting up, let's go take a walk," he says changing tactics a little bit and standing from his chair, holding a hand out for me to take. I look in his eye and can tell that I am not going to be able to get out of this... no matter what I say or do and the thought of getting out of the house for a while actually seems like a good one.

"Shouldn't you be with your wife right now?" I ask him only half serious as he helps me out of the bed.

"We drew straws for who had to babysit you... I lost," he says with a funny looking grin on his face. I totally wouldn't put it past them to do something like that. "Seriously Buff... I had a friend that needed me... of course I would be here," he says calmly as we make our way out of the sick bay and up toward the front entrance, thankfully without catching the attention of anyone else that lives with us. When we get there, we both put our jackets on... it's pretty cold out in Cleveland this time of year.

The fresh air feels good as it hits my face. I subconsciously wrap my arms around myself when I realize a fresh batch of snow is on the ground. It is seriously cold right now and I am still a California girl at heart. Oh how I miss the ocean. Xander wraps his arm around me too as we continue to walk down the street in silence.

Like I said... we can have these moments... no words, nothing but our thoughts and it be the most normal thing in the world. As much as I am loving this little moment together... I know that I should explain what is going on in my head. He is worried about me, and rightfully so. I can feel it in the way he is walking and holding me tightly, almost like he is afraid if he lets go that I won't be able to stand on my own. He has been my best friend, my brother, for so long that he knows when I am losing my mind and having that little episode and having to be knocked out with magic back there at the house doesn't help ease his mind with anything. I look up a little bit, his strong arm around me and I can see that he is trying hard not to shiver. His breath is coming out heavy but he is determined to keep walking with me out here in the cold night.

We walk like that for another ten minutes, before we find a small coffee shop that is open a short distance from the house. We both order our hot beverages... coffee for me and hot chocolate for him, and take a seat at a small table in the back of the shop. There is only one other couple in here right now and they are lost in each other, never even looking up to see we entered. I can't help but smile on the inside as I watch them out of the corner of my eye. That should have been Faith and I and now I'm not so sure I'll ever get to have that with her.

"Thanks for this Xander, I think I really needed to get out of there," I say as I take a sip of my coffee and put all my attention back on him. The coffee feels good as it burns down my throat and warms me from the inside out.

"I'm worried about you Buff," he says fiddling with his eye patch a little bit. So much for easing into conversation I guess. "I know that Faith coming back was... unexpected... you holding up alright?"

"What do you want me to say Xander?" I ask as I look down at the table not wanting to look him in the eye. I know he can see the answers when he looks at me. I can't hide it from him, not anymore. We have been by each others sides for far too long for any sort of secrets to be kept between us.

"The truth."

"The truth huh? The truth is always so complicated... I don't even know if I know what the truth is," I say taking another sip of my coffee and he chuckles lightly as he takes a sip of his own drink. I can't help but giggle back at him when I look up and notice that he has a bit of whipped cream on his chin. I lean forward and wipe it away with my napkin.

"Maybe it is complicated, but this is me Buff... you can tell me what is going on in that pretty little head of yours and together we will see if we can figure out exactly what it all means," he says settling back in his seat. I look back down at the table again, unable to speak. "Okay, I get it Buffster... I know I can't beat it out of you so why don't I just try my hand at guessing." My head stays down but my eyes glance up at him and he smiles briefly before he continues. "I know you still love her... and that you always will. That you believe she is the one you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with and believe me when I say I know what that feels like."

It is true that he knows what it is like to find the one. He and Melissa are a perfect match. As much as I love Kennedy and I know that Willow loves her too, I know that Willow will never love her as much as Tara. Willow gave away a part of her heart a long time ago, and no matter what Kennedy does, she will never have all of our red haired best friend. Will found her one a long time ago... her happy ending cut tragically short, and me powerless to stop it. Everything that happened with Tara, losing her and almost losing Willow, it still and always will be one of my biggest regrets in life.

"Xander..."

"No let me finish Buffy," he says holding his hand up and clearing his throat a little before continuing. "Are you sure that this is what you want... that Faith is the one you want?" I look up at him quickly and stare right in his eye. He can tell instantly the answer just by looking at me but I answer him just to drill the point in further.

"Positive." He nods his head a little bit, looking down into his still half full cup of hot chocolate and fixes his patch before he looks back up at me.

"Then tell me what I can do to help you fix it," he says. His words make ever muscle in my body relax even more. I know it is stupid, but sometimes having the reassurance of my friends makes a world of difference to me. I know how they feel about Faith... she is a part of our family even now after all these years that have passed. But she was then and always will be a part of us.

When we moved to Cleveland those years ago, they never talked about the things that went down between them, Faith strangling Xander or holding a knife to Willow's throat and all the things in between, but I think after all we had been through it was easy just to forgive and move on. We all wanted a fresh start. So I knew then that they had accepted her into our family, especially after they found out how I felt about her. Even so, hearing him say what he said, I can't help but be relieved.

"I just thought it would be different you know? I thought that when she came back she would be coming back for... me... and we could talk and I would get a chance to finally tell her what I should have told her all those years ago," I say as I lean back in my chair.

"There's still time to talk Buffy... she just got here."

"I already kind of tried... and failed," I say a little under my breath before I take another sip of my coffee.

"When? She's only been here a couple of hours." He sounds surprised and possibly a little confused.

"Right when she got here... I tried to talk to her but I ended up trying to kiss her instead," I say with a little smile. I should be uncomfortable talking to Xander about this but for some reason I'm not at all.

Before I would avoid talking about my sex life with him. I was sure he would make some comment that would embarrass me and back then he probably would have... he was a little immature back then. Now I would say he is probably one of the most mature people in the house. Just goes to show you how much people grow and change in three years.

"Now don't hit me when I say this Buffster," he says as he stands and pulls his chair so he is sitting next to me instead of across from me. I recognize the irony that he asked me not to hit him yet moved closer at the same time, proving he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt I would never lay a finger on him. He slinks his arm around the back of my chair before he continues. "Maybe that's the problem." I look over at him with confusion.

"What is the problem Xander... you need to be more specific... I am blonde here," I say holding in the laugh that wants to come out. I know he is trying to be serious so I shouldn't want to laugh so badly, but sometimes I have to laugh at my own blonde jokes.

"Well... you started out as friends, right... then you were mortal enemies, which no matter how much you want to repress those memories, doesn't make them not exist... then just co-workers in a sense during the whole battle with the First. After Sunnydale, you guys became friends before you took that step together... okay... maybe you weren't good friends for long before you were making with the girly loving but still... maybe you should stop trying to get your relationship back and work harder at getting your friendship back first and let the relationship thing just come naturally to you both," he says. That was a babblefest worthy of Willow, but despite it, I know exactly what he is trying to say. Any inkling I had to laugh vanished when his sentence finished as his advise hits me like a ton of bricks. And we say Willow is the brains of this operation.

"You know something Xander... you are absolutely right," I say as I wipe my lips with my napkin. "I never thought of it that way."

"Told you I was good to have around," he says with a cheesy grin.

"That you did."

The rest of the conversation is light between us after another few minutes of comfortable silence. We talk about the girls and their training. He asks how the classes I have been covering are going and seems genuinely interested. He doesn't spend a lot of time with the slayers... he is usually down in his man cave in the basement with the security detail and weapons inventory. We talk about his relationship with Melissa and how things are changing with her getting so close to having the baby. We talk about his fears of being a father and his excitement... but even more so about the insecurities and worry of failure he has because of his own parental figures.

When we finally make our way back to the house in the cold night a couple of hours later, he again walks with his arm tightly wrapped around me as we shuffle through the snow. As we walk in that comfortable and familiar silence once more, I take a minute to look at him and really look at him. He has aged... the stress of our work showing in his features... but he is still Xander. The same boy I met that first day at Sunnydale High. I don't think I could ever thank him enough for what he's done for me. Not just for tonight, but for everything he has done for me over the years.

A small slide show of moments of our friendship flashes through my mind as we continue to walk down the street. Highlights include the day we first met; looking up at him after he revived me when the Master killed me; when he talked some sense into me just before Riley flew out of my life; when we sat together on the bench outside my home in Sunnydale and agreed never to lose one another, just before Warren came and disrupted our lives once more; when I walked in and he was giving that speech to the potentials about trusting me that almost brought me to tears; when I looked him in the eye and told him he was my strength and asked him to keep my sister out of harms way, knowing he would die for her; when he made the bold decision to stick with us and move to Cleveland despite his pain with losing Anya; when he held me for hours on end the night Faith left me; his wedding day when he hugged me close and told me he couldn't have made it without me; and the day he announced he was going to be a daddy with pride in his eye.

Those first seven years were full of ups and downs for us together and so were the last three or so, but we managed to pull through them all and I meant it when I said I couldn't have made it without him. I still can't. I smile at him when he glances down at me and hugs me tighter as we turn onto the street of our house. I hug him back a little more as we step up to the porch of the house.

"You going to be alright Buffy?" he asks shivering slightly but still trying to hide it.

"I will be now... thanks for talking some sense into me Xander."

"No problem," he says but he doesn't move from where he is standing.

"Go on... you should be with your wife." He smiles that familiar smile at me and I can't help but smile back.

"I should... she hasn't been feeling great. We are going to talk with Dr. Carly tomorrow," he says, pulling his coat tighter around him. Dr. Carly is our resident doctor and a slayer too. She has been a complete blessing to have around to care for the injured and I don't know how we would get through without her. She has been handling all of Melissa's prenatal care too, which is great because I don't know that any of us would know just what to do with a pregnant woman around.

"Give Melissa my love," I say pulling him in for one last hug before he turns and walks around the side of the house toward his own on the back of the property and out of sight.

I consider going inside, all is quiet and I know I can easily slip into my room without being noticed, but I decide against it. Despite having all these new thoughts running around in my head, I am surprisingly content after my talk with Xander. I am leaning on the railing of the porch, lost in thought when I sense something nearby. It's a tingle... but not the same one that tells me when Faith is near. A vampire. I turn around, slipping my stake from my jacket sleeve into my hand ready to strike, wondering how stupid a vampire must be to come on to our property where dozens of slayers live. But before I get a chance to do anything I stop cold when I completely turn around and get a visual of exactly who is standing there.

"Angel? What are you doing here?"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six (Chaotic Silence)

I am beyond stunned to see him standing there in front of me, the only other person in the universe that I have just as complicated a history with as I do with Faith. I didn't even hear him come around the corner of the house but he has always been good at being sneaky. Sometimes I think he prides himself on it.

"Hello Buffy." His voice is calm and quiet, slightly different than I remember it but familiar at the same time.

It feels strange that the last time I saw Angel was the last time I saw Faith three years ago and that they have both returned to Cleveland for the first time just hours apart. I know that he had been in contact with Giles these past years, just as Faith had, but I had made it clear that after what happened, I didn't want to see him and nothing anyone said would convince me otherwise. Even at the yearly apocalypse, which there always seems to be, I insisted we didn't need his help despite knowing that things would have probably gone a lot better and faster if I would have just given in and let him come help us. I know what happened between Faith and I that day wasn't his fault, but I blamed him for a long time. I convinced myself that if he had just stayed away from me that I would have gotten my happy ending and never lost Faith at all. So seeing him standing in front of me after all these years sends a mix of emotions my way all at once.

"I was just in the neighborhood taking care of some things… thought I would stop by. It's been a long time… you look great," he says and the way he says it makes me shiver and back up just slightly. Saying it's been a long time would be an understatement but he doesn't seem bitter about it like I thought he would.

"Thanks… you look… the same." I do notice how stupid the words sound coming out of my mouth. Of course he looks the same… he's a vampire. He doesn't age so there is no reason to expect he would look any different than the first day I saw him. Though I must admit, he does look a little heavier than I remember. Can vampires gain weight? I should ask Giles about that even though he will laugh at me and tell me I think too much.

"I've missed you Buffy," he says as he takes a step closer to me making up for the step back I already took and making me focus solely on him being here once again.

"Look… Angel… is there something you want?" I ask him as I take yet another step away from him. I can't risk getting too close and Faith seeing. I don't want to make that mistake again and I am very well aware that it is a total possibility since I have no idea where she is right now.

"Faith is here isn't she?" The question catches me off guard but I keep my cool.

"How did you know that?"

"The way you are acting… and I can smell her… are you two back together or something?" Vampires and their smelling… always makes me sick the way they do that.

"Is that your business?" I ask as I make my way back toward the door. My tone is rude and condescending. I keep my hand on the handle making damn well sure he knows that I am totally done with this conversation between us. Three years or not, I don't want to talk to him about what happened or what is happening now. The only person I want to talk to about it is Faith. I know that Angel is someone that will always be important to me, but I have moved on and I really wish he would too.

"It used to be," he says quietly as he turns so he can face me again. I bite my bottom lip knowing that I shouldn't be this irritated by him but something inside of me won't let me calm down.

"It never was Angel… you wanted it to be, but it never was. This is my life and you are not a part of it anymore. It's time you move on. I know I did." I have gotten into my stance without knowing it and he chuckles when he sees me standing there with my arms crossed over my chest, all bundled up. Guess it's hard to be intimidating when I have a big pink poofy jacket on. I make a mental note that this jacket is not patrol friendly just as his smile fades and his broody look reappears on his face.

"Alright… I get it, I'm sorry I bothered you," he says as he comes closer to the door. I expected him to go back the way he came from… but he stays right there by me.

"What are you doing?"

"I need to speak with Giles… it's the main reason I stopped by," he says calmly. I let out a little sigh. Of course he came to speak with Giles. Why is it that everyone always wants to talk to Giles anyway?

"He's probably in his office still," I say as I open the door and he enters. He glances up at the security camera that is installed in the ceiling in the corner of the room. It has been a long time since he's been here and the way he is acting now, it's almost like he doesn't trust that we didn't change the system not to include him. Guess he still knows me pretty well.

Our security system in the house is specifically made so that no vampire or demon of any kind can pass through the doors without the alarms going off and signaling to the entire house full of slayers that we are under attack. Angel is the exception. Andrew managed to find a way so that Angel would not alert the alarm at Giles' request. He insisted that Angel be able to come and go in the house as he might be of help to us at any point. After everything happened three years ago, I wanted to change it… make it so Angel couldn't even come here. But Giles insisted that I was being insane… he used a much more complicated word for it, but none the less, he told me he wasn't going to revoke Angel's privileges from entering.

"It was good to see you Buffy," he says as I close the door behind us and take my jacket off, hanging it on the rack with the others that live here. Suddenly, I feel a little guilty for acting this way to him. There is no reason that he and I can't be friends. But I don't want to push my luck despite knowing I am being a total bitch to him right now. I haven't had a chance to talk to Faith yet about this whole being friends thing that Xander and I just finished discussing and I am pretty sure that being close to Angel would make that next to impossible. I don't know how she feels about him, but I assume that she hasn't spoken to him or seen him since that day either and my guess is she wants nothing to do with him. If she was so mad at me for what happened it is safe for me to assume she is just as angry with him. So I choose to not say anything. He starts walking toward the hall that leads to the offices and pauses to look at me for a second. His eyes bore into me and I get a chill that runs deep down my body.

"I'll see you," he says before he disappears down the hallway.

I make my way into the house a little bit more, the exhaustion from the events of the day threatening to take over my body. Just as I start to head up the stairs to my room I suddenly feel that tingle in the back of my neck. Faith is nearby. My feet have a mind of their own once again as they head back down the stairs and follow their instincts toward the kitchen. As I make my way to the kitchen the tingle down my neck intensifies telling me she is in there, and I stop before I go all the way through at the sound of her voice.

"What's your deal?" she asks someone else who is standing there with her. I hear some rustling around of dishes before the unidentified person responds.

"Back off of me Faith… I've had a long night and I just want to get something to eat and go to bed." It's Kennedy and she seems really irritated still. I haven't had the chance to talk to her about why she is so upset with Faith but I really am curious to see what she will say. It was her squad's night for patrol so it doesn't surprise me that she is in the kitchen. That is usually the place the slayers end up as soon as patrol is done.

"Whatever Ken… I thought you of all people would be happy to see me."

"You were wrong," Ken replies and there is venom in her voice. I am plastered against the wall with my ear to the doorway so I can hear everything going on without being noticed. I look ridiculous I am sure, especially since I could hear without straining so much… slayer hearing and all, but I do it despite knowing all of that.

"I can see that," Faith chuckles and I hear her move to get something out of the refrigerator. There is silence between them for a minute and just as I think it is safe for me to go into the kitchen Kennedy decides she has more to say.

"If you hurt her again I'll kill you," Kennedy says calmly but very sternly at the same time. I smile a little when she says the words. It is nice to know that we are such good friends that she would threaten Faith like that. Not that I want anyone to be threatening Faith that is. Still, it's the thought that counts. If you would have told me three years ago that Kennedy would be standing up to Faith in my defense, I would have told you that you'd lost your mind. But with everything that happened in the past three years, I wouldn't have it any other way now. I know Kennedy always has my back and I am grateful for it.

"I'm not here to hurt her Ken… I'm not even here for her."

"You weren't here to hurt her before either and you sure did a number on her then." I hear Faith bite into something that sounds like an apple or pear and start to chew, probably thinking over Kennedy's words. Then I hear her jump down to the ground, she was probably sitting on the counter before just like she always did when she lived here. "What are you doing here then? Just showing up like this with Dawn for the holidays? Did you even care about how hard this was going to be on Buffy?"

"Look, Dawn and I have been in touch since I left Cleveland and she has been bugging me for the past two years about coming to visit for the holidays. It isn't about B, but to answer your question, I did think about how hard it would be on her and I wish it wasn't so hard for both of us."

"Both of you?" Ken says with a sneer.

"She wasn't the only one who got her heart broken Ken," Faith says making mine ache a little more than it already does. Maybe it isn't such a good idea for me to be listening to this.

"You dug your own grave… just left without so much as a conversation… so forgive me if I don't feel sorry for your poor broken heart," Kennedy replies with a sickening amount of hostility in her voice. I can feel the tension in the room and I know that both of them are holding back from beating the shit out of one another.

Years ago it would be no contest if a fight broke out between the two of them… with Faith being a chosen slayer and all. The girls who received their powers from Willow and the scythe aren't as strong as Faith and I are, at least from what I've been told. Giles explained it once to me, but he used big words and I really didn't care all that much to listen to what he was saying. From what I understood, Faith and I were the last chosen slayers and I guess that means something as far as strength is concerned. But in the past three years Kennedy has far surpassed any expectation I could have ever had for her or anyone else for that matter. She is well beyond the others in strength and agility and she knows practically everything there is to know about the weapons we have and how to use them. She trained hard and even though I don't remember exactly when it happened, I know that for a long time I have looked at her as nothing less as an equal compared to Faith and I. She isn't my second in command for nothing. This girl is the real deal.

"Fuck you Ken… do you have any idea what she did to me?"

"Do you? You didn't even stick around to listen to her or give her a chance to explain to you! You just took off like the psycho rogue slayer we all always knew you were!" she shouts. Instead of words I hear the sound of Faith's fist connecting with Kennedy's face. I take one single step to move into the kitchen, ready to break this fight up before it gets too heated, but before I can Ken's chuckle reverberates off the walls and I pause yet again.

"There's the Faith I remember," she says and I hear her spit probably some blood out of her mouth into the sink and her run the water for a second before turning it off. I am still flush up against the wall listening.

"You are really sweet on her aren't you? Does your girl know?" Now it's Ken's turn to throw a punch at Faith. I hear the sound of her fist connecting with a part of Faith's face and immediately hear the chaos erupting in the kitchen. They aren't yelling, but there are loud grunts and I can hear the punches being thrown back and forth. This goes on for several minutes before eventually I hear one of them groaning slightly in pain. I take a deep breath at the sound, knowing it's time to break up the fight between them. I regain control of my body and turn, entering the kitchen like I had no idea anyone was in there. The sight I see is Faith pushed up against the counter with Kennedy leaning over her, holding her arm firmly twisted behind her in such a way that even I would be in pain and using all her strength to keep her there.

"Ken… let her go," I say calmly. I feel caught in the middle between the two of them when I get a glimpse at Kennedy's face, blood dripping slightly from her lip and a bruise forming on her cheek. I turn my attention to Faith as she turns and looks at me. She has blood on her lip as well and a small cut just above her eye. She gives me a deep throaty laugh causing Ken to twist a little more just before she whispers in her ear,

"Who is the top slayer now?" Then she releases her grip and Ken backs away giving Faith a chance to move from where she had been pinned. I told you Kennedy was one hell of a slayer. I feel the tension in the room dissipate but only a little, as Faith picks up her half eaten apple from the counter where she set it down and takes another big bite, before shooting me a smirk and heading out the door I just came in from. So much for talking to her tonight I guess. I turn my attention back to Kennedy who looks only slightly ashamed of what just went down between them and actually looks more proud than anything else.

"What was that about?" I ask, like I wasn't just standing there listening to the whole thing and as I wet a paper towel and hand it to her to wipe the blood off of her face.

"Nothing… just getting some things off our chests," she says as she continues to dab at the cut on her lip. Within just a minute the blood stops and her slayer healing has started to take effect.

"Hmm… feel better now that you did?"

"Not really… but it isn't about me princess… how are you?" There is no easy way to answer the question.

"I wish I knew… honestly, a part of me is so happy she is here and the other part of me feels like she is here just to punish me and make it harder."

"Fuck her Buffy," Ken starts but I don't let her finish. This is something I have to handle and as much as I love Kennedy for sticking up for me, I can't let the two of them beat each other to death just for my sake.

"Look Ken… I know you are worried about me with Faith coming back and all, but you don't have to be. I can take care of myself you know."

"I know that Buff… but it still pisses me off how she left you. She was wrong for hurting you like that and I don't think she even knows it. I know you still love her but still… it can't be easy having her back here now," she says calmly and quietly.

"It's not easy, but I promise I'll be fine so no more fighting," I say, standing from where I had taken a seat at the counter and pushing the chair back in.

"What about evil glares? Can I glare at her?" Ken asks and I can hear the laughter in her voice.

"No evil glares either." I say in a mock serious tone. "Come on… it's been a long night for both of us," I say as I flick the light off in the kitchen and she follows me out, wrapping an arm around my shoulder the way only my true friends do. A long night it has been indeed.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven (Deadly Silence)

I am lying completely still on my back staring up at the ceiling. I have been awake for at least an hour now but I haven't moved from the comfort of my sheets. I was restless last night, for obvious reasons as my mind went into overdrive. It took over an hour before I finally managed to calm down enough to get some sleep. Now that I am awake, the thoughts have just reappeared. I have tried to stop them from flowing through my mind but nothing is working and I have finally stopped trying to get them to go away. Instead I try to focus on the sounds I can hear outside of my room. I can hear the movement and voices of the girls and my family making their way to the kitchen for breakfast. But I still stay there just looking off into space until a soft knock on my door alerts me. I can feel the tingle on my neck immediately telling me who it is before I even see her.

"It's open," I say softly. The door opens slowly and Faith peeks her head in through the crack.

"You decent B?"

"Nothing you haven't seen before," I say with a hint of annoyance in my voice but I still pull the sheets around my nude body as I sit up in bed and rest against the headboard.

"True," she says with a slight smirk as she enters the room and closes the door softly behind her. She is quiet as she looks around the room, almost like all the memories of our time spent together are hitting her. "Things look pretty much the same," she says as she moves over to the foot of the bed and sits on it still looking all around the room. I tense up a bit when she plops down, but tell myself to calm down.

"I always thought it looked kind of empty now."

"Hmm… nope, it looks exactly the same." I chew on my bottom lip and don't let her words get to me. I wonder if she knows how hard this is for me and if it is even half as hard for her. She seems a little nervous but nothing like I am right now and for some reason that infuriates me. She should be nervous. She is the one that left me right? I feel that anger I have lost long ago come bubbling to the surface.

"Did you want something Faith?" I ask sitting up even a little further but keeping the sheet tight around my naked body underneath.

"I can go B…" she says as she moves to stand from the edge of the bed.

"No Faith wait… I'm sorry I just woke up and you know I am a little cranky when I first wake up," I try to explain even though I know it's a lie. Well, I am cranky in the mornings, but that isn't why I snapped at her. I really need to calm down before she walks out of here again and I never get a chance to find out why she came in here in the first place.

"If I remember correctly there is only one thing that cures your crankiness in the morning," she says raising her eyebrow suggestively and settling back into the spot she has claimed as her own right now.

My mind flutters to the memory of all those mornings I would wake up with her kissing my neck softly. She made every morning worth waking up for and we would always spend the first few hours each morning tangled in each other and the sheets. I hear her laugh a little and the memories disappear as I realize I just spaced out. "Mind wandering to a dirty place again B?"

"Sorry," I say as a blush falls across my face. I can't help it, being this close to her makes me want to pull her to me and kiss her and devour every inch of her body. This bed has a lot of good memories in it between me and her. It is hard to have her on my bed… our bed… again and not actually have her at all.

"I just thought we could maybe talk… figure something out… I don't want the next couple of weeks to be awkward between us so I wanted to do it as soon as possible," she says and she never takes her eyes off of me. The fact that she even wants to talk proves I was right about her. She has changed a lot in the past three years… matured more. "I would have done it last night but Ken got up in my face and you know…" she trails off.

"I'm sorry about that… she's just looking out for me I guess in her own way, you know how she can be."

"I never pinned you guys as close," she says and she gives me a questioning look.

"Well, you haven't been around the past few years now have you?" I ask and I know that it came out defensive as hell but Faith either doesn't notice the tone or chooses to ignore it.

"Bitch certainly got stronger," Faith says as she runs a finger over the spot that her lip had been busted open by Kennedy's fist the night before. There is nothing there now, her slayer healing closing the wound and making it impossible to know something ever happened. I can't help but smile at her statement. I am proud of Kennedy and it makes me feel even more proud knowing that Ken practically took Faith in a fight. I was the one that trained her after all so it is a little boost to my teaching ego. Faith sees my smile and cocks her head to the side a little bit. "Is something going on between the two of you?"

"No! Are you serious Faith? She's practically married to Willow!" I say very loudly and quickly. I can't believe she would even ask me something like that! Faith starts laughing with my exclamation.

"Calm down B… I know nothing's going on, I just like to give you a hard time. That still hasn't changed." I relax back once more.

I desperately want to tell her how many other things haven't changed. That she is still the only thing I think about at night…that I haven't been with anyone since she's been gone. She is the only one I want and no one else could even come close to comparing.

"So… about that whole talking thing…"

"Sure we can talk, I was hoping we could actually," I say as I wrap the sheet around my body and stand so I can slip into clothes and be more comfortable. She watches me as I walk over to my closet and I swear I feel her eyes follow my body as I drop the sheet and slip into sweatpants and a tank top. I know that it was a little wrong… but like I said to her before, she's seen it a million times. I wanted to give her just a little taste of what she is missing. I glance back at her to see if she took the chance and she jerks her head away when I turn I do confirming my suspicions. I move back over to the bed, settling again in the same spot against the headboard.

"Good… because to be honest, I was really worried about coming back here," she says almost in a whisper.

"You shouldn't have been… I never wanted you to leave in the first place," I say just as softly back. She nods her head a little bit. That silence between us lingers and it bothers me to no end. Why is it that the one person that I have so much to say to, I can't say anything at all? Why is it that I can sit in complete silence with Willow, Xander, Kennedy, Giles, Melissa and hell, even Andrew and never once feel the way I do right now?

"Look B… we both did things wrong and I don't know that I'm ready to really talk about what happened between us before. I just wanted to come in here and tell you that I want us to be friends… if that's possible." I can tell by the way the words came out of her mouth that she is worried I am not going to want to take this offer. She knows how bad I want her and I made it very clear when I kissed her last night just what I wanted from her. But after my talk with Xander, I know deep in my heart that this is what I have to do first.

"Sounds like a good place to start actually," I say with confidence in my voice. She has a shocked look on her face but covers it quickly with a smile.

"Do you think we can do it? We have never been very good at being friends B."

"I guess we will never know until we try it right?" She nods.

"Perfect… so… friends then?"

"Friends," I say as I hold my hand out to her to shake on it. She looks at it with a big grin on her face and takes it and pulls me over to her, wrapping me up in a big strong hug. I feel my body melt into hers and I feel like I have found the other half of me again. I can't remember the last time I have felt this complete. Oh this friend thing is not going to be easy, it actually may be the death of me… and I have already reached my dying and returning quota for this lifetime so there is no way I can survive dying again.

"Friends hug B," she says as she releases me and I open my eyes feeling flushed and overwhelmed from the closeness we shared just a moment ago. "You okay there B?"

"Yeah… I'm better now… five by five," I say using her signature line while giving her a friendly punch on the shoulder and she shakes her head jokingly as she stands from the bed and heads toward the door.

"Glad… hey one last thing B?"

"What's that?"

"Take some time and talk to Dawnie… girl misses her sister," she replies. My head falls a little in shame. It is pretty sad that I don't even know where my own sister goes to college or the name of the guy she is dating.

"I will, I promise," I say strongly, so she knows that I am serious. A series of questions floods my mind as to how close she has been to Dawn these past three years but I choose to ignore them and keep my mouth shut, not wanting to ruin the start of our "friendship" and knowing that conversation is probably one I should have with Dawn herself anyway.

"Good then lets go get some grub, I'm starved," she says standing with the door open and waiting for me to follow her. I stand from the bed and follow her out the door, a forced smile plastered on my face the entire time. Here goes nothing.

The day came and went quickly. I taught the classes I was covering for and managed a quick bite to eat before practically running up to my room to shower. Just as I was finishing up getting into my pajamas to go relax with the rest of the gang and watch a movie, a quiet knock on my door interrupts me.

"Come on in," I say. The door opens and Kennedy enters with a smile on her face.

"You coming down?"

"Yea, I was just finishing up," I say as I brush through my still slightly damp hair.

"What movie did everyone decide on?"

"I have no idea… Andrew picked it out so it's probably Star Wars or some shit like that," she says with a little chuckle. She comes further into the room and settles on the bed like it is her own, watching me as I finish up.

"You didn't just come here to see if I was ready or not did you?" I ask already knowing the answer to my question. She doesn't hesitate.

"What was Faith doing up here this morning?" I put the brush down and make my way to the bed, sliding next to her.

"She came to tell me she wants to be friends," I say half-heartedly.

"Friends huh? You guys can never be friends," Ken says with a smirk on her face.

"It's better than nothing," I say trying convince myself of the same.

"For now I guess. Did you ask her why she came in the first place?"

"No… I thought I should talk to Dawn about it since she obviously has been keeping it from me that they were in touch." Ken stands from the bed and starts to pace around the room a little. "Why? Did you ask her?"

"I did last night before we started throwing punches, but she didn't ever really say much," Ken says sounding a little irritated by the situation. "But I did talk to Faith again today and apologized for last night. I think we are good now… at least we are trying to be."

"Thank you Kennedy, I know it isn't easy for you to apologize," I say with a smile.

"Got that right! That bitch deserved to get taken down. She didn't think I could do it!" I laugh at her tone and she can't help but break into a smile herself.

"Come on… we better get down there before all the good spots are taken," I say standing and making my way out the door with her close behind me.

All is quiet now in the house as Ken and I make our way to the lounge. The young slayers made their way to their respective rooms and those who were scheduled for patrol made their way out for the night. I knew that Xander and Melissa were at home because after their visit with Dr. Carly this evening, Melissa was put on official bed rest. She isn't supposed to do much of anything and Xander said he would be her servant for as long as necessary. He only cringed slightly when I mentioned getting Melissa a bell to ring when she needed something. The rest of the gang, minus Giles is already comfortable in the lounge when we get there, Andrew about to pop the movie in. I notice Faith isn't in the room when we get there and start to settle, but she shows up just a minute behind us and I can feel my blood pressure rise when she walks in.

"What's up gang? No research? This is a nice change of pace." Willow giggles at the question and Faith settles on the floor next to Andrew who only looks slightly skittish by her presence next to him. The previews are rolling and there is a brief discussion about the missing remote control and some blame and finger pointing before we all finally settle down for the movie. Dawn holds out a bowl of popcorn to me as she settles on the couch next to me, resting her feet on my legs.

I have to admit it is nice to have her back here and getting to spend some time with her. But I still really want to talk to her about why she kept it a secret from me that she was in touch with Faith. I know that now isn't the time though, so I brush it aside and shake my head and say no thank you, turning my attention back to the t.v. screen to see just what I am in store for tonight. But before any of us get a chance to see the movie or menu screen, we hear all sorts of noise erupt in the front entry of the house and my name being shouted loudly.

Faith, Kennedy and I are up in a flash and running toward the front door. Ken and I are side by side down the hall as we run and Faith is hot on our tail. The others are following closely behind us as we pile down the stairs, Faith grabbing weapons from a nearby weapons chest, tossing me one with a quick flip of her wrist, which I catch one handed just as we get to entrance. We burst through the door and the first thing I smell is blood… and lots of it. The small group of young slayers who live at the house are all bundled up right by the door, some kneeling down, a lot of them crying, some even gagging.

"What the hell happened?" Faith asks the question for me. No one responds directly, but one of the girls, Julie, points with her finger over to the corner by the front door as the rest of the girls clear a path for us. Faith, Ken and I make our way to what they are crowded around and it's then that I see her. Michelle… she is the slayer that has taken over for Melissa while she is pregnant as squad leader… and she is laying face down on the ground in a pool of blood. I suddenly feel a wave of nausea wash over me and pause to regain my composure.

Faith walks closer to her and turns her up slightly and moves to feel for a pulse. When she does, I immediately see the reason for all the blood. She has a huge wound in the middle of her chest, like she's been stabbed with a stake maybe… but that isn't all I notice. Two tiny holes on the side of her neck… where she was bitten by a vampire. I look at Faith's face with a tiny bit of hope but she looks up at me and I know immediately what I instinctively already knew. Michelle is dead. Faith leans down one more time and picks up something next to the young girls body. When she stands up again I can see that it is a piece of paper and there is blood on it. Faith walks over to me and hands it to me. I suck in a breath when I read the words, written in blood as the sounds in the room fade and the room falls silent once more:

"See you soon".


End file.
